Donald Trump for President: I’m very rich, b*t¢h!!!

The Donald is very rich and heading to the bank with checks……….TRUMP CHECKS!!! A couple hours ago, Donald announced his candidacy for President, in what has to be one of the most hilarious speeches in history.
Read this, if you want a good laugh.

Donald’s love/hate relationship with China:
“I love China! I love China!!! I just sold a $15 million apartment to someone from China. How can I not like China?” He has so much “love” for China, yet he spoke with so much angst and disgust about the debt the U.S. has incurred from China. According to Trump, they take our jobs and we have to keep giving them money.

Donald is the smartest person in the world:
He wants to run a country based on competency, putting only the smartest people in charge. He calls President Obama and other political leaders stupid. His words: The country has losers.

Donald on his likability:
He knows that people do not like him, but it does not matter because it is about his smarts and capabilities. (Bwahahahahahaha!) Hey, at least his family likes him, as he does not hesitate to reassure us of this, by calling them out one by one. So that makes about 10 people or so who like him.

Donald on his success:
He is proud of his wealth. His words: I’m very rich!!! As he reads a financial report, he tells us that his total network is about 8,737,540,000. He started off small in Queens and grew his mega empire in Manhattan. He employed tens of thousands of people. But he’s not one to brag!

Donald on Mexico:
Mexico is becoming the new (wait for it)……..CHINA!!! He will build a great, great wall on our southern border to keep Mexicans out of the country and have Mexico pay for it. As leader, he will also terminate President Obama’s executive order on immigration.

Donald on himself:
“No one will be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump.” It was probably the 6th or 7th time he referred to himself in the 3rd person.

Donald on other presidential candidates:
He made a dig at Hillary Clinton, saying that he finds it “interesting” that the name of the prison facility where the two convicts from New York escaped, is named Clinton Correctional Facility. OMG!!! (As if Hillary aided and abetted them herself.) He took a few jabs at JEB Bush’s inability to answer questions followed by a bold declaration: Who the hell can vote for Bush?

Donald on the state of America:
According to Trump, we live in a third world country. We have bad roads, ugly bridges, and substandard airports, like LAX. Poor, LAX!!!

Donald will never enter a bike race:
The promise to never compete in a bike race was prompted by his criticism of John Kerry’s attempt to negotiate a nuke deal with Iran. As president, he won’t have someone like Kerry making bad deals and at 72 years old, enter a bike race, fall down, and break his leg. (I pretty much checked out at this point – I was laughing way too hard.)

Donald on the 2nd Amendment:
He fully supports the amendment. He tells of a conversation that he had with a friend who at first did not “believe” in guns, but then realized that guns are good and that people should be allowed to have them if they want. He says his friend now has a lot of guns and even keeps them on her dining room table. (Guess who won’t be coming to dinner!)

Donald on the military:
He wants to take care of our vets, but never actually explains how he would do this. However, he will find the next General Patton to strengthen our military because nobody puts baby in a corner!

Donald on the American Dream:
“It’s dead. But I will bring it back!”

I could not stop laughing watching this “speech”. All I kept think about were those two words we will say to him when he loses the primary…………..You’re fired!

-Reporter

Featured Image Source: nydailynews.com

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