What’s wrong with abstinence, America?

What’s wrong with abstinence?
For many Americans, it’s like the-worst-thing-ever!

There are countless societies in the world that hold abstinence dear. These cultures consider abstaining from sex to be virtuous and exemplary and doing otherwise would be considered sinful.

Not long ago, America followed those same traditions, but has since departed from them. Today, the country has a much different standpoint on abstinence.

It is deemed as an archaic conviction that is no longer applicable to the needs and desires of our culture.

There is such a huge deal made when someone (a celebrity) surprises everyone by spilling the beans about his/her abstinence vow or more surprisingly, their virginity.
re: Tim Tebow, Lolo Jones

A few days ago, NFL pro leaguer, Russell Wilson revealed that he and his girlfriend, singer Ciara are abstaining from sex. His revelation was met with mixed criticism. Some saying that it was a great thing and “honorable” and others finding it weird and pretentious.

American footballer Russell Wilson and his girlfriend, singer Ciara
American footballer Russell Wilson and his girlfriend, singer Ciara

Personally, I am an advocate of sexual abstinence and made that decision since I was in junior high. I was even a “clean teen” in high school! Being part of an after school club called Spark, I learned about the importance of abstinence and safe sex and helped educate my peers on those very issues.

Radio Host Kendra G. started initiative that challenges girls EVERYWHERE to give up sex for the school year
Radio Host Kendra G. started initiative that challenges girls EVERYWHERE to give up sex for the school year

While abstinence for the most part is motivated by particular beliefs and values, it is important to consider the benefits, apart from religious affiliation.

Despite the recent push in safe sex education, sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies are still on the rise. Condoms and other contraceptives are not foolproof!

So what does that mean for us?

It does not mean that you should not have sex because you do not want to contract an STD, but the fact remains that the safest sex is still no sex at all.

This is where the religious standpoint comes in. Some people believe that having sex with a spouse is much different than with someone you are just dating because there is a greater level of trust and intimacy.

For me, religion does play a big part in my decision to remain abstinent. I believe that it is crucial to build a strong romantic relationship, absent of sex.

Today, there is so much pressure to have an active sexual life and appetite. We are steadily bombarded with messages and images that oppose living a sex-free life, so it makes it almost impossible to feel confident and reassured about one’s decision to abstain.

It is a constant battle of wits and will.

Sex is an important factor of life. It is beautiful and in part, responsible for our existence. But for many, it is regarded as routine activity. Many relationships are short-lived because sex becomes the main focus and priority.


Imagine a relationship as an apple pie, being comprised of three parts. One third represents personality and characteristics. Another third represents commitment level and goals for the future and the third represents sex and intimacy. I think it unwise to structure your relationship around just sex, seeing that you WILL need the other two-thirds to achieve a successful union.

If the commitment levels are not strong or the personalities are not compatible, it would be extremely difficult to sustain a relationship.

This is the reason why I believe in “courting”, where partners work on developing strong bonds centering on commitment and compatibility.

Sex alone, cannot and will not support a healthy relationship.

But the question remains.
Why is America so against abstinence? If it can change the way we look at our relationships, control the spread of STD’s and unwanted pregnancies, and maybe even, reduce the number of divorce cases, why not make it common practice?

I know that for many, taking a vow of abstinence is hard, but I am certain that if more men and women did, our lives and outlook on relationships and sex would change for the better.

Do you think that abstinence can help our relationships long term or is it just an old tradition that has no place in today’s society? Thoughts???


Image Sources: pagesix.com; eonline.com; diaperchamp.com; abstinenceiskool.com


2 thoughts on “What’s wrong with abstinence, America?

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