It’s that time again!!!
Work has begun, school is back in session, and the humdrum routine of New York life is in full gear.
New York City is overpopulated and thus, can be overwhelming. There is no space to walk, drive, eat, breathe, etc. You can compare NYC to living in an actual shoebox. And if you are blessed with having all of your senses intact, particularly that of smell, then you must agree.
That said, the city can sometimes be difficult to navigate – literally and figuratively.
For the literal, you can always use a GPS system on your Android or iPhone. In the figurative sense, it is a little more complicated than just reading a map.
Let me put the rumors to bed!
New Yorkers are not mean.
We are not rude.
We sometimes just have really bad days………almost everyday!
But I still have high hopes for this city!
Behold, my guide to navigating the New York life:
1) Do not sit directly next to someone on a bus or train if there are empty seats with more distance. It’s just wrong. I once asked my mom why she thought people did that and she gave me some spiel about people needing closeness or a sense of bonding. What!?!?! Not here. No way, no how!
2.1) Do not stare. If you are not speaking to someone or confessing your undying love for them, do not stare. It’s rude and makes the staree uncomfortable and very upset. If you do not want a “what the hell are you looking at?”, just save yourself the trouble and keep your eyes to yourself. There are train ads plastered overhead that you can read for the one hour (maybe two) commute.
2.2) If someone is reading a book or newspaper, please do not lean over to read with them. I once had to ask a guy sitting next to me if he was finished reading the page before I turned over. I know I read interesting books, but c’mon already. You can get your own bargain books for under a dollar these days.
3) Do not leave your knapsack on when riding the train or bus, especially if it is bulky. It will be hard for people to move past you without scraping their clothes or getting the cord of their earplugs caught on your zipper tag.
Everyone will hate you.
4) If you see people forming a line to get on the bus, please do not cut ahead, especially if you just arrived at the stop. Folks were probably waiting at least 15 minutes before you got there. And plus you will save yourself some embarrassment. I once saw a bus driver tell a man who did that, to get off the bus and get to the back of the line. There is also the strong possibility of being subjected to a barrage of swear words first thing in the morning. You don’t want that, do you?
5) Bicycles!!! There are so annoying. As a driver, they are even more annoying. You have to constantly be on the look out. Bike riders dart out from every hole and corner. And the city is putting up all these Citi Bike depots everywhere, taking away available parking spots. Ugh! Just do not be an annoying cyclist.
6) In an elevator, do not stare, talk, eat, drink, or chew. It is too small a space for weird noises. If your breathing is too loud, try not to do that either. Kidding! Like everyone else, just watch the numbers light up as the elevator car makes it to your floor.
7) Do not call it Manhattan. It’s the City. We will know you do not belong here!
8) Have a slice of pizza. There are as many pizzerias is NYC as there are people. One on every block, seriously! And our slices are to die for.
9) Tourists, this one is for you!
Do not stop in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures, point, scratch, burb, etc. We are on a mission and there is no stopping us. Don’t get in our way. Please.
10) When making a purchase, do not put the money on the counter if the cashier holds his/her hand out to receive it. It is so impolite and you will just be putting the cashier in a funky mood for the rest of the day.
11) Do not litter. You may see other lousy New Yorkers do it. But don’t. We are trying to clean up our city. There are garbage receptacles at every corner. Use them!
12) Learn these words. Excuse me. Thank you. Please. I’m sorry. True New Yorkers say these phrases several times throughout the course of one day.
13) During rush hour times (7:00 AM – 9:30 AM) & (5:00 PM – 7:00 PM), no strolling and no strollers! Walking speeds need to peak at about 7-10 mph and strollers are just a complete nuisance at a time where there are crowds of people trying to get to work or get home from a long and unadventurous day.
14) Most New Yorkers hate their jobs. Keep that in mind before you do or say anything.
15) Refrain from dancing or putting on one of those pretend Broadway performances. New York commuters are growing weary of these solicitors.
16) Do not eat smelly foods on the train or bus. It adds to the already unpleasant odor.
I am sure this seemed like a lot, but it really isn’t. Following these rules will alleviate the tensions that build up and help to make everyone’s day better.
New York is definitely a city that never sleeps because New Yorkers barely sleep. We keep the city running, moving, and shaking.
And it’s true, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. But do mind your manners. If you say or do something that does not fit the “New York Way”, you just might hear a resounding “fuggedaboutit”.
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